indian bear

today was a horrible day. day off from work and i was TOTALLY unproductive. OK, i paid off my cable bills, got intouch with Recording Connection in getting my diploma mailed, balanced my bank accounts, and then a whole lot of NOTHING! total waste of a day.

watched the Apprentice. WOW! totally did NOT see that first half hour coming. but in retrospect, it makes sense. of course troy being fired the previous episode was unexpected as well. But like Donald said, its business, not a game. Well, it went something like that.

i want things. is that so bad? i want more guitar pedals, mroe guitars. not to have them, but cuz they will enhance my style, and allow to reach new styles and levels. i want $10,000+ of recording equipment. thats for me to record my self and anyone else. maybe as a business.

i also want a house. not a house just for me, but for all my friends to hang out with. i have the best time whenever we get tog ether and jsut jam, whether its for “practice” or after church. but thatd be awesome. my hosue would have one room for me to sleep in, a kitchen, cuz if we have lotsa ppl over they need to eat. the other rooms would be designed for various things. one room for acoustic sessions. not for recording, but jsut for ppl to hang out with their acoustic instruments and jam together, whether its guitar, piano or whatever. another room for recording. a larger room witha stage for live music, or jsut loud music. and a buncha other rooms for everyone. ill figure out what those will be about later. btu thats what i want.

see im a giver. i like to give. receiving is nice, of course, but i liek to make ppl smile. i like receiving money so i can buy things ppl need. hmm…

sudden stop in thought. g’night!

What else should I be
All apologies
What else could I say
Everyone is gay
What else could I write
I don’t have the right
What else shoudl I be
All apologies

In the sun
In the sun I feel as one
In the sun
In the sun
I’m married
buried

I wish I was like you
Easily amused
Find my nest of salt
Everything is my fault
I’ll take all the blame
Aqua seafoam shame
Sunburn with freezerburn
Choking on the ashes of her enemy
All in all is all we all are

Kurt Cobain
2/20/1967 – 4/5/1994

http://www.cobain.com
http://www.justiceforkurt.com

im a lil peeved at myself. havent gotten around to finishing my Flash version of this site. Laziness is bad.

I was so tired today. i had work at 6 and they said that Brad Anderson, the CEO or pres or whatever of Best Buy, was comin. fo shizzle?! so everyone was on their toes working extra hard, until we realized it was prolly a scam by management or district HQ to get us to work harder. neway i left at 230 n he dint show up.

ever see the movie Seven? with Brad pitt and Kevin Spacey. its about a guy who kills people who have committed one of the 7 deadly sins. and the guy who was lazy, or a sloth, he was tied down to his bed so he coudlnt move and left to die and rot. there might have been more to it, been a while, but that was the general idear. (yes there is an ‘r’) he died and his body was eaten away at n what not. neway, joe at work said im gonna wind up like him, cuz i was being a sloth today.

the weather was so great today. we had a lil picnic outside for lunch, sat out in the parking lot on the side. we need to put a table n benches there. i drove home and actually had to turn on the fans and roll down the window.

theres this song by delirious called Heaven. its awesome. i love delirious. not enough ppl listen to them. i wanan play delirious songs with Tonal, but that’ll have to wait till summer prolly when we can actually practice.

i need a new hard drive. i found that if i get a RAID 0 setup on my computer my videos will encode and render lil faster. at least thats how the theory goes. plus, i need a 40 GB hard drive to act as my C: cuz my SATA drive wont work right with two IDE drives. i know, techno jargon. also need a camcorder so i can film stuff. seriously, should i be a film student?

iunno what happened to me. all through school i got great grades. i was such a geek, still am a bit. i got all As and a few Bs, up until 8th grade. thats when i got my first D. it wasnt too bad, it was Health, i just got lazy in that class. then 9th grade was mediocre, wasnt real bad, but got a few Cs. tenth is when i really fell off the smart train. not aht i got dumb, just my GPA fell and i dint work hard. early case of senioritis maybe?

i just looked at classes and said, what am i doin here? i did alright in english, math was eh, i enjoyed it, but i wasnt focused on it, social studies was always fun, and science was fun too. my problem was my work ethic. i just dont like workin on things that serve no purpose to me. i did my labs, but never turned in reports. i understood them, just dint want to do any more work, cuz it wasnt enjoyable to me entirley, and i saw it having no effect on my future. English, i liked writing essays, even if they were written last minute. i was, and still am, good at it.

i knew i wasnt going to be a doctor or a scientist or anything like that. i could if i wanted to, but i dint want to. i dont want a career where i have to work late into the night and around the clock at ajob i dont like just to make a ton of cash. i want to work hard at something i enjoy doing. if i become a doctor, it’ll be because i enjoy being a doctor, not because thats where the money’s at.

people always tell me that music is not a good profession. when i was a CS major they said CS is not a good field. its never about a good field, or good money with me. i do want that, but i want to ENJOY the rest of my life. i dont want any regrets about what i did or didn’t do, and that which could have been.

i do worry that im heading for a big let down, so im expanding my horizons, now im thinkin about going into film. iunno if i want to go to school for it, or just try it on my own. ive thought about MIS, and i very much want to work in a business environment, but the whole academic environment doesnt suit me. its ugh.

iunno, maybe ill just work retail for the rest of my life. what a drag. i jsut gotta get more disciplined.

AAAGGGGHHHH!!!

i need my own place!

Yea, i dont think im gonna be puttin titles on every new entry. maybe once in a while. iunno. jsut dont feel ike it. but i did add music. ne’r thought id do that, but i did.

Had my test today. was fairly easy, fnished it, passed it i do believe. gave in my resume, so hopefully ill get a diploma and they’ll help me find a job. maybe i can get a job with puresound. hmm…

Every musician shoudl read this (its old, i know):
Riders on the Storm

It’s an article written by John Densmore, drummer for The Doors. The ORIGINAL Doors. not that sham of a band the Doors of the 21st Century. That is a piece of crap that Ray Manzarek and Robby Krieger came up with to milk as much money out of Jim Morrison as they could. Ian Astbury is a tool for doing it. The last i heard John and the Morrison family were suing Ray, Robby and Ian.

The article itself talks about how Jim always wanted things done uninimously, meanin if one badn memeber didnt want to do it, then they didnt do it. for example, selling a song for a commercial. In other words, ray and robby sold out. he lists other bands that have sold their songs for money. It made me think. you may not agree with all he has to say, but at least it’ll make you think.

Also read this:
Perception of Doors

That is the reaction from some readers to the article.

It’s hard not to “sell out” these days, and be successful in the music industry. but sometiems bands become too much pop, and greedy, and dont make music for musics sake. Metallica sold out. they did, they did. I’m not a huge metallica fan or anything, but compared t their older albums, St. anger SUCKED! but thats not the point. they said they’d never make a music video, and they did, which isnt too big a deal, cuz everyone makes videos, but they did kinda betray their fans. ALSO, they committed the biggest act of selling out when they did that MTV Icon show. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

MTV destroyed music. It’s true, “video killed the radio star.” I watch MTV, and i enjoy some of waht they have, but most of it is bubblegum pop for teeny boppers. And the thing now is to amke the hottest video so the big companies can make as much money as they can. It’s not about music anymore, its about how they look and how much money they can rake in.

i would vent some more and clear up some of waht i said, but eh…

You would think that with whats been goin on in my private life that id be totally depressed and lsot and down, but its so not the case.

i thought last friday that i reached a moment of clarity, and in a sense i did. It was clear to me what i had to do, and i did it, and it led to me being totally unclear again. But that unclarity (word?) led me to think and understand that i was not clear.

I know, my new found clarity is not clear. but trust me, im clear. and my previous unclarity, was (in the words of the Led) ooooooohhh, nobody’s fault but mine. also saw my cuz use that phrase today.

BUT, i been pickin up nicole, playing, writing, doin what you amy or may not call singing. i feel good about the distant future, its a bit rocky, but good. the near future is what im worried about. no one cares, i know.

Comedy centrals on, doin a thing on Starsky & Hutch. I never seent he show, but it hails from the 70s era, therefore its good stuff. the DVD came out today, plus the movie comes out soon. and its stars Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson, and they always make good films. least i think so.

narco’s buggin me to cut his hair. so ima go cut it. my hair, on the other hand, is up. no gel or anything, so i look like a fobber. he’s whining now. BTW he’s 24. gg

look at this:
PURESOUND

These are malu guys living my dream, doin what i wanna do. well at elast half of what i wanna do. tehy go their own business providing audio services, like live sound installations, concerts and stuff. they did the PCNAK Conference last year here in philly (best conf! ok maybe not), but the sound did sound hott. AND they’ve done concerts for some of my fave Christian bands, DAvid Crowder Band, Skillet, Benjamin Gate (its not jsut the name that i like =P)

thats all good but i want to have my own studio too, and mkae my own boards. HOPEFULLY, moo will help out with that. got names and schematics and what not already. Everyone will buy a Nairehc board.

but all of em have degrees of some form of another. not neccasarily Audio engineering realted, but they all have experience with it.

im planning on takin my test thursday. hope i pass and get my diploma. then its finding a job. i mgiht be doing a recording session soon. hope it all goes well. work tomrow, need a new job.